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Thread: Family member with drug or alcohol problems

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    Shanna's Avatar
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    A welcome drink ... for the new lady of the site. - Caveman welcome aboard sharing my winnings - partyde snack - Georgiagirl I got lucky (won the lotto)...passing the luck on! - strawberrywine 

    Family member with drug or alcohol problems

    Have any of you at Flirts N Friends ever had a family member that has or had an alcohol or drug problem? I am going through something right now and it's very hard to have a spouse that is an alcoholic and drug addict. He refuses to admit it and will not get help. I'm fed up with it. Can anyone relate to this?

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    cheers and welcome - partyde 
    My grandfather had a real drinking problem. It was what actually killed him. We tried for many years to get him to cut back or change things, but, he never would. From all I've read, it seems that unless or until the person recognizes and admits they have the problem, there is nothing you can really do to change them. It was that way for my grandpa. He never would admit it.

    Best change I ever saw in a person was when they stood to lose everything they had. Wife had packed up, children wouldn't talk to him any more, and finally a good friend of his went to him and told him to straighten up. Does your husband have one of those kinds of friends? I'm not talking about a 'bar friend' but someone he respects and will listen to?

    It sometimes takes a person's hitting rock bottom before they will take an honest look, and make changes. Sad to say my grandfather never did.

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    A welcome drink ... for the new lady of the site. - Caveman welcome aboard sharing my winnings - partyde snack - Georgiagirl I got lucky (won the lotto)...passing the luck on! - strawberrywine 
    My husband it the type of person that will not listen to anyone. He doesn't think he has a problem. I've tried to talk to him about it but he states that never drinking a few beers have hurt a sole. It's not the few beers that concerns me. It's the many many many beers and every day that concerns me. And he is a changed person when alcohol is involved. He's not violent but he is mean sometimes. He's moody all the time and it's very hard to live with him at times.

    Today, I realized that he must have a hidden drug addiction and I won't go into that story here but feel he really needs help.

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    cheers and welcome - partyde 
    Well, Shanna, if there is more involved than a beer now and again, or if there are mood changes, or ifn' he becomes abusive or destructive in his actions, then there is a problem. Actually there is a problem if you think there is one, because you are supposed to be the one closest to him, and he is supposed to care what you think. If he is willing to put all that is dear in jeopardy just to get whatever he wants or needs from the drink, or ... even worse, the drugs, then ... you may have more of a problem on your hands than you know.

    Wish I could give you a magic pill ... but .. main thing to do is realize where YOUR and your family's future is .. and what it holds for you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do ...

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    My hubby is a drinker...you cant help them till they want to help themselves....

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    Both my grandfathers were heavy drinkers and my mother is an alcoholic, with cirrhosis of the liver . She was so emotionally abusive towards me that I had to break away from her before she destroyed me totally. My father has recently visited her and says she's given up the booze. I guess time will tell if it lasts or not but I'm still not ready to get close enough for her to hurt me again.

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    There are so many things that I would like to say in this thread but I won't....I grew up in it and it sux.
    And somone else said it already but I'll say it again, a person will not get help until they admit that they have a problem. Alot of times, they never get to the point of admitting it, therefore, it's a lifetime of problems.

    I could say alot in this thread but would rather just hush my mouth. Private message me and we'll talk further about this further.
    Just Peachy and you?



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    It's a heartrending, difficult situation . . . both to have someone who is unable to or unwilling to admit to and work toward fixing the problem, and also to grow up in it, surrounded by blinders others put on and facades erected to hide the issue at hand, so no one knows or judges and no admission of a problem. And all the offers of help often fall on deaf ears.

    I've had several family members, close to me and in the extended family, with alcohol and drug troubles. Spent a lifetime questioning what to do, whom to tell, whom should I have told, wondering how to fix. I wish I had solid advice to offer you, Shanna -- I'm so uneasy in my own experiences, I don't know advice effective enough to offer. Only thing I can say with security and finality: if the situation does become physically abusive, leave. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out and ask for help! My thoughts are with you!
    Last edited by LeananSidhe; 11-19-2012 at 12:39 PM.
    “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

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    If I can add one more thing to what Leanan and Dianne said, it isn't only the physical abuse, it is the emotional abuse as well. Those under the influence of either alcohol, or drugs, aren't themselves. They are trying to hide from something if it has reached the point of abuse. The Emotional abuse is sometimes much worse, and can leave you, and possibly your young ones scarred. How many days do you walk on egg shells, not knowing what to expect? How many times have abusive comments been made? It is a cycle, which sad to say, may be repeated. Will your daughters think that this type of relationship is okay? Or will they have the strength to say this isn't right, and not include it in their life?

    I'll be praying for you, and your husband for healing. Healing of his need for whatever he is getting out of this, and a recognition of his problem. Praying for healing for you and your family such that you don't think this is normal.

    Blessings to you today ..
    Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow only a vision. Today, well lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.

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    Welcome! Hope you are having a blast! - Georgiagirl A thank you for the gift of your friendship!! - Caveman Afternoon snack - Georgiagirl I got lucky (won the lotto)...passing the luck on! - strawberrywine Happy Weekend!! - Georgiagirl 
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    Yes I was very very scared of my paternal grandfather when I was growing up. My grandmother seemed to just want to keep the peace and would never dare say what was truly on her mind. He never raised a finger to any of us beyond one single slap on my cousin's butt but still he was frightful.

    I've only witnessed my father drunk twice and both times were unusual circumstances. He was a comical happy drunk but after years of being frightened of his father I was kind of uneasy around him.

    Mum knew she was an alcoholic for years but it became a joke to her and at times a cop out. She could abuse me all she wanted and blame it on the fact she was an alcoholic. She was also abusive during the times when she did abstain, partly because of withdrawals but I think also because she had lost the ability to behave normally.

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