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Thread: Online Secret Relationships

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    SpecialK's Avatar
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    Online Secret Relationships

    Having been online for several years now and having gone through a few relationships.. and been exposed to a wide variety of other relationships, I had a discussion earlier about keeping relationships secret. My personal view is that it allows anyone who wants to cheat on their online partner a free reign to do so... so I have never been a supporter of such relationships. It has been argued also from someone else that people tend to meddle in relationships if they are known.. and will try to break them down. My personal opinion on this is that if a relationship cannot withstand the words of other people, then it isn't that strong to begin with... so.. what is your opinion concerning online relationships.. should they be kept secret?... are there any circumstances that would negate that viewpoint?

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    i think it shouldnt be kept secret. what's the point of being in a relationship if you'll just keep it from the world? people who want it to be kept secret is only in it for fun or other hidden agendas or arent committed enough to the relationship. there's a point of keeping it because of the meddlesome people, but it's a good way of testing how strong the relationship really is. if you're in a relationship, whether online or not, you shouldn't concern yourself about other people's opinion or point of views except yours and your partner's.
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  3. #3
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    a head start and enjoy my friend. - Tgirl Glad you are feeling better! - Candi Happy 4th of July - Georgiagirl For someone's birthday... it's ice chocolate cream cake - SpecialK Hope you have a wonderful rest of the week! - Candi 
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    As with much of everything I think, I see several sides and answers to this question. Without fail, I strongly feel that two people engaged in an onsite secretive intimate/sexual/or "love" relationship opens the door for one or both to be sexually active with others (and I'm talking from the perspective of being on a site and with someone other than an offline spouse, from whom I assume both parties are keeping the relationship secret). I've seen it happen, had it happen to me, and heard the horror stories. That boggles my mind because if you're "in love" or profess love to someone, for me that intimacy is not doable with more than one person at a time (again, disregarding the fact that many of us are at different marriage stages; that's not for me to judge and everyone has their reasons for this type of deception or interaction). I could never do that to another individual. Tease them, trail them about ... all the while doing that with someone else.

    So I opt for out and in the open. That's my personal choice and it may not work for others.

    That said, I can also see how keeping the relationship secret from others on the site you're on has its benefits. It is sad but true that there are people who will mucky about in your relationship and can sow seeds of doubt and destruction. Especially if the relationship is rocky and tenuous. It would be nice to think that a solid interaction's walls could never fall under assailing from other individuals. But for some it doesn't work well because they're swayed by whispers and gossip or people bent on causing rifts. So they keep the relationship veiled. Truly, It's no one's business except the two in the relationship, but you have to do what works for you.

    Personally, I am an open individual. My wall has never been shut down to only contacts and friends. What's there is there for anyone to see. The cute or the schmaltzy intimate. The person I'm currently with is the only one for me. When I'm with someone, I don't use PMs to be secret, as a tool to get diddly with others. I believe and act with openness because for me, that's the only way. People on a site know if I'm invested in another. And I trust in what I have to know It's that way for the person I'm with.

    It's a fabulous thread and has some correlative questions for follow-up.

    I'm interested in others' views on this as well.
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  4. #4
    Tgirl is offline Flirts N Friends
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    There can be several ways to look at online relationships. Bottom line to me is it definitely depends on the person you are "with". Boundaries are decided and lines drawn for the sake of the relationship that you are comfortable with. The reasons for secrecy is each individual couples own business. There are many variables that go into defining that for everyone. I have been very public with one and semi public with another given the drama that online people love to create.

    That said: you all saw and were aware of my very public relationship with my prince. We actually joined FNF to escape the people we didn't want in our lives during our times together. There were people that didn't support us and wanted to destroy what we had. The distrust wasn't because our relationship was rocky, it was just due to the "online" atmosphere in general. We came here to NOT be in an "online" relationship. We came here as a couple to be here together to grow in our long distance relationship together with loving and supportive friends. Thank you all again for that. I'm very thankful for FNF for the safe haven it was for me and prince.

    I will add, and you can see my opinion of this place in regards to online relationships is very different from then that of other sites. As you think about your opinion, think about the different dynamics of the other sites.....
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  5. #5
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    I think if you are involved in an online relationship it should be out in the open ...
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    strawberrywine is offline Super Flirty Friend
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    With everything stated so far....all very good reasons I stay single online
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    Online relationships are hard enough to deal with, why keep it a secret unless you are having more than one relationship.. I don't believe in keeping it quiet.. if I am "with" someone I will admit it freely to the world.. but it has to be someone who is "with" me too.. I've found that only one person has ever wanted to be open with me online as well as offline.. that tells me that every relationship that I've been in minus that one man... has been involved with others as well..

    You can't be honest and open if you keep yourselves a secret.. you aren't being trustworthy if you want to keep it a secret.. sure, people will want to meddle into your relationship and they will want to harm it, but if you are completely honest with each other, and you trust one another, and you never keep anything from him/her, then your relationship should be solid enough to fathom the naysayers..

    but in the end.. it is going to be what you and your online lover want it to be... I have seen relationships online work.. I have seen more fail.. but they have always failed because of lies and deception.. it is going to work or not work based on the 2 people involved and not from outside sources..
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    Wow what a great topic!

    As a person, I would want to tell the world how I feel but as a site admin, I have seen how totally cruel the world can be. I've been the one who had to get up from dinner with the kids to change a name or "fix" post on the site because of secrets exposed.

    Assuming...we are talking about FNF, I am guessing that both parties are married? If so, please believe me when I say that it should be kept a secret. People can be very vindictive and post can be used against you. If you're willing to pay for playing then it's okay to be public about it but sometimes it can come back to bite you in the ass.

    If you have two people who truly love one another and it can't be announced to the world, there must be a trust in that relationship somehow. If you are on a site such as this and you were in a relationship, I would assume you were still flirting with others and vise versa.

    I don't know about the entire cheating thing. I have mixed emotions on that. I do understand the worries of "why" one would want to keep it secretive. Are they having more than one online relationship? Are they worried about people starting drama, so they wish to not let it be known? Does their offline family play a role in their actions?

    Dunno but sometimes, I think I need to find out. (joking...I don't need an online relationship)
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    SpecialK's Avatar
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    For cerebration-sharing :) and providing a wonderfully renewed perspective! - LeananSidhe To start our lunch . . . I'll bring it to you! - LeananSidhe Every day, and in every way. Thank you. - LeananSidhe Merry Christmas - Georgiagirl Merry Christmas to you - Sthomp27 
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    I still feel that secret relationships leave things open to different interpretation and give those that might be less than.. open.. an "out" when it comes to being unfaithful... I participated in one a few years ago.. and determined that if a relationship couldn't hold up in public.. it was only a matter of time until it deteriorated midst the deception and agendas developed by those people less than honest.
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    Tgirl is offline Flirts N Friends
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    almost forgot the donuts! :) - doncpa figured I would send something different this time..give this a lick ;) - doncpa they didn't have soup here - but you probably like this better anyways - doncpa so I read quotes from the book while you sit on my lap.  ;) - doncpa Happy Easter! - doncpa 
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    In my experiences with relationships online I have come to realize everyone has VERY different outlooks on what they want. I've soon made my way to if you can't be open with me in public then you're not being open with me in private. IMHO
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